'That Kind of Month'

by Cassa Pancho

June Diary
I think I begin every diary in this way, so forgive the repetition, but the past eight weeks or so have been f****** awful and bloody amazing. I shall try to keep it brief, though I can't say the same for the expletives. It's just been that kind of month.

"I love black people, but I hate niggers"
Chris Rock - Bring the Pain HBO TV Special, USA, 1997

At the beginning of June, I saw Monster's Ball, the movie starring Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton. It deals with their mixed race relationship (she's black, he's white) in the Deep South of America and the fact that Thornton's character comes from a family that have been extreme racists for generations. In one scene, Berry's character encounters Thornton's father, who subjects her to some appalling verbal abuse, and the term nigger comes up more than a few times. The reason I mention this at all is because of the audience (about 98% black) reaction to it. It was met with laughter almost every time it was said. Within the context of the film, it wasn't really supposed to be funny, yet the majority of the spectators in the cinema laughed - probably because it demonstrated how ignorant the father was, (the film is set in present day). Chris Rock, a black stand-up comic from the US said the above quote, and again, the predominantly black audience met this with cheers and serious agreement. Rock went on to say; "Everything white people don't like about black people, black people don't like about black people. It's like our own personal civil war. On one side, there's black people. On the other, you've got niggers." (Bennum. D, 2000 The Observer Life Magazine)

It's amazing that a term that was once an "acceptable" way to address black people, which then turned into an offensive, racial slur can now, in this day and age, be laughed at by the very people it is supposed to demean, whilst still being derogatory. Clearly, if a white comic were to say the same thing, it would be met with something decidedly stronger than laughter (a head-lock/elbow drop or kick in the groin) but to me it's a measure of the strength and humor that the black community has in general. I also see it with the company dancers. We don't sit around and bad-mouth a predominantly white dance establishment - we don't have time - but in those moments when we could feel swallowed up by it all, a very distinctive "black" comedy definitely kicks in…

Ballet School
Teaching is something I always thought I would never do in Real Life, though it is now my main source of income. I like it, and it can be rewarding and fun, but it's not what I hope to be doing forever - especially being employed to teach syllabus work. Having said that, every Saturday morning, I get up at 8:30am to go to the Ballet School, and more often than not, I'm tired or just not in the mood and wonder why I give myself so much to do. Then I walk through the doors of this little rented hall in Shepherd's Bush and feel complete elation. No matter what else might be going on, or how much personal/professional crap I might be dealing with, it all disappears for the hour that me and my twelve (yes, twelve!) kids work together. It is my own. I choose the music, what we learn and how we do it and I even have an assistant, Marina Eleftheriou (a first year on the RAD teaching degree and absolutely lovely), to help me out. How cool is that? Damn cool, actually. There are only a couple of weeks left of term, but it goes from strength to strength and I always come away feeling privileged that the parents have so much faith in what the School is about and that the children completely adore what we do.

Theatres and Money, Money, Money

Is money the root of all evil?

It certainly feels that way at times. No matter how wide your artistic vision is or could be there's not a whole lot you can do without cold, hard cash. This time six weeks ago, I had the money to pay for the theatre in the palm of my hand and everything seemed to be sailing along perfectly. However - due to unforeseen differences with the source from which the money came, I felt the need to return the whole lot - and did. By the time I got to this point, I felt the only thing left for me to do was curl up and die and let someone else worry about everything. That's never really an option is it? A meeting with The Theatre Manager followed this (I'll confirm which theatre when it's all finalized), which went all right, all things considered. "But you gave back the money! How will you pay for a theatre now?!" I hear you ask? Well yeah… I gave it back, only to come into some more money from a new backer. Never mind who. All I'll say is that having only one lung really isn't that different from having two. Honest.

And I haven't curled up and died yet either thanks very much.

Guest Artistes
On Saturday, the first of June, Stephen Sheriff (ex Royal Ballet dancer and too many other things to mention) took class for Ballet Black and worked on some choreographic ideas for the new ballet he'll be creating for us. As I said in the last diary, it's been a bit of a struggle to get the dancers together in one place and at one time. To be honest, I wasn't completely sure if they would all be there on time (or at all in some cases) but they did me proud. For the first time since BB began, I saw them really work together as a company. Stephen also pulled a piece of gorgeous choreography magically out of the air, or so it seemed, to some very uplifting music by Leroy Anderson (more about him later), just to see how the dancers move. It's not what he'll be doing for the finished, final piece, but I swear I almost heard it go "click". I actually found myself getting quite emotional (I know, I know, pass the bucket) as I was seeing a glimpse of what I hope is to come for BB…

The Devil's Blues
So far, the choreographers for BB's first performance are Denzil Bailey, Christopher Hampson, Stephen Sheriff and myself, and now that everything has been signed and sealed, I can tell you that we also have a ballet by English National Ballet dancer, Daniel Jones (or Ballet Beefcake as I believe he is also known!) We were watching a video of some different pieces he's done for ENB choreographic workshops, and about three minutes of one ballet, The Devil's Blues was all I needed to know that I wanted it for BB (it's actually twelve minutes long, so that tells you how good it is). The cast is four dancers and one blues guitarist, by the name of Murray Gould, who I got to meet recently. He has the most extraordinary, enormous hair and is a very cool bloke. Daniel starts work with us on the 29th of June, so there'll be more about his ballet next month…

No Business Like Snow Business
On the 24th of June, Snow Business, my ballet for the graduating third years of the RAD was performed. Costumed in bright pink dresses, pink pointe shoes and sparkly gold dust, and danced to Leroy Anderson's Sleigh Ride, you would be forgiven for thinking I don't know the difference between June and December. I DO know the difference, but am also well aware of the sense of relief you get when you finally graduate - like Christmas come early. This was a strange experience for me, as this was my first ever commission as a Grown Up. As a student, I never had to worry about sitting in the audience and watching my own work as I'd probably be rushing about backstage, or getting ready to dance in the next piece - leaving me no time to fret about what was happening on stage. Not so now. The rehearsals the day before had not gone well, and I was being perfectly vile to everyone around me. On the actual day, I had to be at the RAD early to see a final run through and check all the last minute details, and was then left with a four-hour break until the performance. Even though I had full permission from Hampy to be completely unbearable to everyone (I'd done a bit of a pre-ballet moan to him) I decided to take myself off to the Kings Road and avoid being even more of a cow than I already had been. Four hours and three large drinks later saw me in the audience, unable to sit still until my piece had been on. Unfortunately for me, it was the finale, so it took a while, but it turned out all right on the night, and was as sparkly and as pink as I could have hoped. That combined with my Mum, Venetia and Jonathan to cheer me on - what more could I ask for?

Last Bit…The Power of PR
Keeping this diary brief didn't really happen did it? Ah well. The last thing to tell you is that Ballet Black now has PR Power, in the form of the lovely Antoinette Scales. Our newest choreographer, Daniel Jones, introduced us, though it turns out she knows Denzil, Jonathan and a pile of other people who are involved in BB in some way. We had a very positive first meeting, and not only does Antoinette have a ton of ideas and contacts for publicizing our first show, she has also introduced me to two more potential dancers. It was a very uplifting end to some extremely bumpy weeks, and I came away from the meeting thinking to myself, "Nice one mate…"

More next month…